The first truth to understand and accept is— We take action based on our feelings.
How are feelings created?
Most people think that external circumstances cause their feelings. They don't, even if up until this point in your life it seems that way.
Our feelings are created by our thoughts, even if we aren't 100% aware of what those thoughts are.
Most of our automatic thoughts come from our unconscious beliefs.
Unconscious beliefs can be consciously changed.
While you can allow yourself to be at the mercy of external forces, it's still your thoughts that are creating your feelings.
So—we take action based on our feelings, and our feelings are created by thoughts.
Our actions generate our results. Pretty obvious. BUT, that means, by extension, our thoughts create our results.
That would also mean that if we can control our thoughts, we can control our results.
Yes!
The problem is, we're not taught that we aren't at the mercy of outside circumstances and our brains. You CAN gain control of your thoughts.
You are not your brain. And science shows, you have the power to change your brain. Just ask Jim Kwik, the “boy with the broken brain” turned super learner. https://jimkwik.com/about/
Some tools for taking control of your thoughts:
Talk to yourself more than you listen. Don't listen to everything your brain tells you, if it wants to tell you you're not good enough, tell it it's wrong! Repeat what it says in a cartoon or mocking kid voice.
Meditation. Getting centered and focused on the current moment, your physical sensations, and the world around you. Letting the usual thoughts and chaos come, and pass, and find a state of calm, relaxed clarity.
Simply bringing awareness to the untrue things you find yourself saying to yourself is a step in the right direction. Then taking it a step farther and identifying the limiting belief behind it.
Another truth we must accept—in order to be in control of our feelings, actions, and results—is that all circumstances are neutral. Every one of them. Until we have a thought about it.
Think about it for a while.
An example from my life:
Ever since high school, I wanted to work for myself. But I had learned and internalized thoughts like “It’s hard to start your own business”, ”I’m too young”, “Most people fail”, “If I fail I’m unworthy”, “You need a lot of money", “Maybe I can’t do it” “It would be safer or easier to…”
All thoughts that are untrue, and lead to feeling: Unsure, unmotivated, scared, confused.
Which didn't get me the result I wanted.
When you are feeling those things, what do the actions you take look like?
For me, it looked like inaction.
It was fear of failure, of social death (that your brain views the same as actual death), and thus leaping at any chance I got to help someone else build THEIR business, because it was safe. I didn’t actually believe I could do it myself. Even though, it's what I said I wanted to do and was “trying” to do.
It was just that, "trying" without understanding that my beliefs were never going to let it happen.
Humans are complex beings, but there are many fundamentals of human brain function, psychology, and behavior that we now have a good understanding of, but that isn't taught widely.
I hope this has helped you better understand your brain and behavior, as well as that of others. If you are interested in going deep with this work and knowledge, and seeing how it can transform your life, I would love to teach you. Send me an email, a message, or schedule a free mini-session now.
I would love to help you start getting all of the results you want in life.
—Ayana